Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Lets talk about love.

I used to think that if i love something i have to find the source of why im loving.

But now i learnt,

its how i create the pretentious love when i thought it is supposed to be there when im hoping one.

I was wrong all this while
Loving is not enough
Its more than that

And i also learnt,
i love the wrong thing.

But its too late now. I still have to carry on.

Now im walking with my dying heart and an empty soul to my marriage life.

I will always be that girl who will always feel nothing for emotion. Im dead inside.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016


It is yet to be created.

Friday, December 4, 2015

Update [4 Disember 2015]


Hi, its me again; shaika. that funky girl with crazy attitude as you can read my past stories here. its me.

Now, i am 22 years old and over the years, i swear that so many things happened. but for that matter of pillow talk story telling, lets wait till i have the right amount of time to tell you what happened with my life till then.


you still miss me for the babble.


have a good life adventure ahead, awesome folks!

Sunday, December 21, 2014

On making things last...

Hai. Assalamualaikum.

wow, it feels so long since the last time. what am i doing here even? gah. apa dah jadi? lama gila tak menulis balik sini. okay here. i kinda distracted you see. blog is no longer a trend, kan.. ada instagram, twitter. oh yeah twitter paling buat aku rasa malas nak blog dah. sebab i literally write my everything there. i mean it. everything, now, its just...


memang best dapat update at all times, but sharing moments at twitter tak memuaskan. sangat tak memuaskan. i write a little things without able to explain. macam soooo sikit thing i write there. tak best. now, its my final. my very final semester of my degree for studying. next, its gonna be practical and then gonna start on carier world. truely, im excited and scared. kita kan dah disogok dengan dunia ini susah and blablabla.

oh btw, i write back here just because aku rasa aku merugikan masa dan effort aku untuk menulis pada suatu benda yang tak lama. like twitter and all other social sites. at least, blog could be my digital diary, no? perkongsian aku terlalu sikit. and lama-lama... hilang... macam angin. so i think im going to write here back. and not on twitter, even intended to delete my twitter. but its hard tho. i've tried before. twitter kalau bebetul delete took me about three months and then baru automatically delete. that means, i need to restrain myself from open twitter for three months. susah! serious. sharing my world back after so long of not being super narcissist here, kan? kinda miss that. to spill long things here.

well, hello blogging world, Shaika is back! (i think?)

before that, here is me. in case if you dont remember haha

Friday, April 18, 2014

On being the lowest me.

hey me of imbecile ignorance, you should be very embarrass of yourself. like really.

im sorry but now i will do things that i never did. to rant about myself!

lately, i dont now what is wrong with me. i treat people like an ass, being rude, insensitive and so mean towards people. i even throw people away like they have no heart. what is wrong with me? i just being mean to this one guy, the guy that i know that is very nice towards people around, so nice with kids, soft in heart, by saying rude thing on twitter.

and again, twitter. always the place that i say shit. always and always remind myself not to get near it if im not in a real good mood but what happened now? just by saying dont waste your time on me if you're busy. dude, orang lain pun ada perasaan juga. seriously, me? wth

and another person i know. simply by saying 'i dont wanna talk to you anymore'. wow so easy. as if this person pun tak ada perasaan. you know how busy his life gets when its weekdays yet im still acting like so kiddo. being the girl that go againts those gf who forbid their guy for talking with some other girl, enough to teach me not to treat others as well. ni tak, aku marah pula if someone is talking with my man. like he cant go socialize like his world only surrounds with me.

seriously, what is wrong with me?

actually i dont even realize that the tweet is actually harsh until another person approached me and said its rude. okay hear. my advice, dont try to understand girls, we dont even understand ourselves.

and you know what, sometimes, throwing people away is the easiest thing to do. tak berat kepala. i dont get hurt and i dont hurt people.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Keep trying. Dont give up.

Just read my long post of this

and i wonder where the hell is my spirit? sigh.
shaika will forever be shaika.

On being youth.

without i realise it, i have actually met my husband.
he is there, enjoying his life still
and im here enjoying my life as well.

as a young people.

god didnt plan to make us together now cause he knows that we're not ready yet,
but soon as we've willing to be commited
we will find our way to be together.

whoever stranger that soon to be in my life,
for that first impression,
i hope i've not given you the wrong way
for im here still making myself to the right path.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Be shame on me.

i swear to god i'm so grateful i didnt delete this blog yet. 

this time around i will do blog as the place to express. no more twitter. i guess. haha. well so frankly, i think i just realized this. bullshit me. yeah i know. i just realized how stupid and shitty i treat people around me. like i so not care about others feeling to be true. 

what the hell is wrong with me. 

as an example, my friend, housemates especially. i treat them like im so much better than they are. seriously, i wonder how far negative i've been. this attitude is the last thing i ask for a new me to be. seriously. 

and for this one guy i've known, well, a guy, haha still. treat him like an asshole. and this one guy i've known working at petronas. still.  sigh. 

dear me, the insensitive people that you always mention on your twitter is not those people, ITS YOU!

i swear this year, of myself being 21, its the time for me to change the way i am and how i represent myself. soon executive i am. so be proper. 

Thursday, October 24, 2013


its been so long since the last time i wrote my stuff here, kan? anyway, peace be upon you.

actually i've been thinking to not do blog anymore as i'm just so busy with all of my assignments and all. but well i guess, i kinda need this tiny space on internet for my own therapy. kot. cerita masalah. aku jenis yang kalau ada masalah, aku diam. aku tak akan cerita orang. sebab hmm, ego rasanya.


aku sebenarnya dah terlalu biasa, hidup senang. aku tahu. tak bagus tuk diri aku. ayah pun selalu tegur. hidup aku mewah sangat. aku ada la juga doa aku nak rasa hidup susah. aku nak rasa susah nya zaman study sampai makan tak ada duit?  so far, aku ada duit nak makan. serious. tak ada lah teruk macam tu lagi.

tapi, kalau dulu life aku, setiap bulan, aku boleh spent beribu, bukan lagi sem ni. aku pergi uni dah start bawa kereta. aku rasa kalau ada, lagi senang. ayah dah pesan, bawa kereta banyak pakai duit. bagi aku, ada kereta boleh buat bisnes juga. duit masuk. memang masuk, tapi sekadar masuk tak untung. guna untuk minyak kereta.

serious, tak adalah teruk sangat life sekarang. it just that, aku rasa sempit sikit. bayangkan, kalau sebulan, aku boleh buat expenses a month up to 1k but sem ni, expenses aku just, only, limit, up to RM100. that is like, so tight. i mean, aku kena sangat jaga kalau nak berbelanja.

i dont know, somehow, aku rasa macam sempit. macam aku cakap tadi, tak biasa hidup susah. sekali rasa, apa salahnya kan? kenal tinggi rendah orang keliling. good experience, really.

first time, dalam hidup aku, ego aku jatuh. aku tak tahu nak cerita kat siapa rasa ni, aku call abang. aku tak cakap apa pun tadi. aku terus nangis. nangis , nangis dan nangis. aku cerita kat abang semua. ayat pertama aku, aku kata aku bukan nak minta tolong, aku just nak meluahkan perasaan.

ego, bukan?

last-last kami berdua nangis sama-sama. abang kata, dia as abang, he is the one that i should count to. dia kata, "aku kat sini, makan mewah-mewah. adik aku kat sana, tak makan." almaklumlah, abang chef kat restoran exclusive. makanan dia mestilah mewah. aku malu. aku tak pernah minta tolong orang. aku tak suka. macam aku cakap juga dari tadi. ego. terus dia minta nombor akaun. aku kata tapayah. aku boleh lagi. dalam hati aku tahu sampai bila je tahan. haha. hmm, egoistik.

tak apa. semester ni je. aku cuba cabar diri. bila lagi nak rasa susah, kan?

Friday, August 2, 2013

Am I that incapable ?

peace be upon you.

to have someone that able to actually lower your self esteem is sucks right?

yup, and frankly i have enormous amount of them around. and a big waste, one of them is on my family member and even worse, he is someone whom i respect the most.

you know having someone whom you always thought could be the one who give you all the motivation you need , as an idol on whatever field you are in, and those people are the same one whom always reminds you of how failure you are, how incapable you are and all those negative like that. sucks isn't it?

sometimes i wonder for how many achievements do i have to achieve to actually clear these people's minds that i can actually do things they say i cant? really? how many yet to have? seriously?