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Assalamualaikummmmmmmmm

Hai korang oh my its been so long. Hahahaha guess blog is never a thing now eyy. But not tonight since aku rasa nak berlatih jari. To make it short, I am now 25 years old already, happily married and currently in my 37th week of pregnancy WHICH its about soon that I will have my own first child. Its crazy how fast time flies.

Anyways, dont think im gonna make a long post here unless when it comes during my confinement time, I will make a lot of post insyaAllah with my Noah. My baby is a BOY! Yeayyy I am beyond nervous and excited!

If you still am reading this which i will be so surprised that some can still read this site, welcome and hello!  Till then.

I swear i have a lottttttttt to say but ya know, nevermind. Haha 

I am back.

hi,

i keep coming back and missing again, right? did you wait for me? i hope you guys are not. but eventually this time i will hope that you guys will really stay with me cause now, today, i will be active again after all the struggle i had only to make sure i survive in KL.

the moment i write this down is the moment where i just purchased myself a customized computer only to make me able to write this down. sad. i know. but the struggle i need to go through before i able to take another luxury, is way too harsh to remember.

i promise i will update more soon. You, wait.

Me.

Oh wow guys, now where should i begin?

i think if i not mistaken, i've been away from all my media social and not uploading so much content since early 2016 or late 2016. So much things happened i swear. Do you get the feeling where you really wanna just spill everythingggg to something but you feel its just useless and a waste of time. Yes i do now. I guess thats what adulthood is.

So far i have been good.  I think. I am married, in case if you dont know. I mean, yeah.. Well, it surely is still in that surreal phase to me. Every day waking up from sleep i will ask myself whats happening, who is the guy i have been sleeping with last night? Very surreal i tell you. Soon i will update more about the journey of my life so far that i have been away from.

Im here watching everything. Its just that im in that anonymous mode. And stalking.. and judging...

Back then, life was fun. I have so many time to do anything that i want. I have all the resources that i need in order to have the fun but lack of money. But its so much different now. I have the money but i have so little time. Each time i wanna do things, i have to reconsider either this will worth the time that i will spend? Cause i tell you time is money. And i value money more.

But no matter how much i gain every day, the fun isnt that much satisfactory anymore. Its feels mundane. Like, what is the meaning of struggling with no joy to be remembered and nothing to  laugh about?  I guess thats what adulthood means.

:(

I feel bad about myself these past few years. I chase to be 'somebody' rather than get to know me more first. I forget how to have fun. I forget how to laugh till i cry at the end. I forget how i enjoy music that much. How i spend my time reading fantasy books, doing some DIY and creating new stuff to share on the youtube channel i have.

I chased wrong thing.

But i never regret the things i have gone through. I learnt a lot. And i am matured by time.

I have gone through some real hardship that i will never forget. That, i will tell you guys more. Soon. If i have the time. But no worries, from now on, i have the resources already. We will meet together again and you can meet me through my writing.

Im still here. The fun one. Its just that the new me has trapped me to the dark sleep, And i have awaken to embrace what i have left behind.

If you currently reading this, consider yourself as a lucky one. Cause im about to make this space as my private diary only to express whats inside me. And trust me, i have bottled up so many things and be excited for you shall read more.

Before i end this post, i just wanna say that i am back :)

Wait, hold up! What just happened?

For god sake i have been abandoning my blog for so long! At last now... Hehe im not sure if i wanna do blog as frequent as before but writing gives me the peace that i couldnt find anywhere else but why not write again about my life, right?

Lets talk about love.

I used to think that if i love something i have to find the source of why im loving.

But now i learnt,

its how i create the pretentious love when i thought it is supposed to be there when im hoping one.

I was wrong all this while
Loving is not enough
Its more than that

And i also learnt,
i love the wrong thing.

But its too late now. I still have to carry on.

Now im walking with my dying heart and an empty soul to my marriage life.

I will always be that girl who will always feel nothing for emotion. Im dead inside.

Husstle

It is yet to be created.

Update [4 Disember 2015]

Assalamualaikum.

Hi, its me again; shaika. that funky girl with crazy attitude as you can read my past stories here. its me.

Now, i am 22 years old and over the years, i swear that so many things happened. but for that matter of pillow talk story telling, lets wait till i have the right amount of time to tell you what happened with my life till then.

if,

you still miss me for the babble.

hiks.

have a good life adventure ahead, awesome folks!

On making things last...

Hai. Assalamualaikum.

wow, it feels so long since the last time. what am i doing here even? gah. apa dah jadi? lama gila tak menulis balik sini. okay here. i kinda distracted you see. blog is no longer a trend, kan.. ada instagram, twitter. oh yeah twitter paling buat aku rasa malas nak blog dah. sebab i literally write my everything there. i mean it. everything, now, its just...


blugh.


memang best dapat update at all times, but sharing moments at twitter tak memuaskan. sangat tak memuaskan. i write a little things without able to explain. macam soooo sikit thing i write there. tak best. now, its my final. my very final semester of my degree for studying. next, its gonna be practical and then gonna start on carier world. truely, im excited and scared. kita kan dah disogok dengan dunia ini susah and blablabla.


oh btw, i write back here just because aku rasa aku merugikan masa dan effort aku untuk menulis pada suatu benda yang tak lama. like twitter and all other social sites. at least, blog could be my digital diary, no? perkongsian aku terlalu sikit. and lama-lama... hilang... macam angin. so i think im going to write here back. and not on twitter, even intended to delete my twitter. but its hard tho. i've tried before. twitter kalau bebetul delete took me about three months and then baru automatically delete. that means, i need to restrain myself from open twitter for three months. susah! serious. sharing my world back after so long of not being super narcissist here, kan? kinda miss that. to spill long things here.

well, hello blogging world, Shaika is back! (i think?)

before that, here is me. in case if you dont remember haha

On being the lowest me.

hey me of imbecile ignorance, you should be very embarrass of yourself. like really.

im sorry but now i will do things that i never did. to rant about myself!

lately, i dont now what is wrong with me. i treat people like an ass, being rude, insensitive and so mean towards people. i even throw people away like they have no heart. what is wrong with me? i just being mean to this one guy, the guy that i know that is very nice towards people around, so nice with kids, soft in heart, by saying rude thing on twitter.

and again, twitter. always the place that i say shit. always and always remind myself not to get near it if im not in a real good mood but what happened now? just by saying dont waste your time on me if you're busy. dude, orang lain pun ada perasaan juga. seriously, me? wth

and another person i know. simply by saying 'i dont wanna talk to you anymore'. wow so easy. as if this person pun tak ada perasaan. you know how busy his life gets when its weekdays yet im still acting like so kiddo. being the girl that go againts those gf who forbid their guy for talking with some other girl, enough to teach me not to treat others as well. ni tak, aku marah pula if someone is talking with my man. like he cant go socialize like his world only surrounds with me.

seriously, what is wrong with me?

actually i dont even realize that the tweet is actually harsh until another person approached me and said its rude. okay hear. my advice, dont try to understand girls, we dont even understand ourselves.

and you know what, sometimes, throwing people away is the easiest thing to do. tak berat kepala. i dont get hurt and i dont hurt people.

Keep trying. Dont give up.

Just read my long post of this

http://dearshaikanadwah.blogspot.com/2013/07/pain-is-actually-weaknesses-going-away.html

and i wonder where the hell is my spirit? sigh.
shaika will forever be shaika.