Saturday, December 31, 2011

Warning : I tend to be too honest here. Its kinda bored to read but yeah if you do care for me, please read :)


hey strangers, so today is a new year. its the very first day in January and  i couldn't be happier. its good to know that God still give me the chance to stay alive and still be able to experience new things. Thanks Allah for this opportunity.

Since so many people post about their resolution on Facebook, so i was attracted to share mine too. First of all, I hope this new year i can fight against myself. sound's weird? naah. if you know me well you know what actually im fighting in myself. instead of that mentally health problem im actually fighting over to be someone even more keen in every aspect she's doing. everything that she is actually involve in. i need to be more optimistic. somehow i need to improve more on that. well yeah just so you guys know that actually im someone whom are sooooo damn lazy to do just about anything. even if i need to pee. i just too lazy to wake up. yup you read this, man. im that real lazy lady.

well, second thing is. i need to improve myself more on my Ibadah. to be honest, im not a really good girl. seriously. i attend to be such a bitch if i rewind back my age of 18. i do things as i wish. i don't think about what will be the consequences and bad impact behind it. all i think is just experience that comes along with it and totally the FUN doing it. my family used to be from a religious background and if i think back for what i did last December, trust me they won't even forgive me for that. pfft gotta forget about that though.

sometime, when im alone and i think back for what i did, i feel so sad on how can i get to be like this. what encourage me and stuff. im not used to be like this dowh seriously. my dad asked me to be a girl which will fight over her religion, which will never miss to solat jemaah at mosque every chance she get, which wil be wearing huge veil (tudung labuh), wearing such a decent cloth such as not too tight and dull and long passing the knee line, which the girl whom you see walking face the floor, tafsir Qur'an always at her right hand. trust me. thats what my dad ask me to be.

truthfully, i've tried though. really i've tried. but at last, i rebel. rebelled to be someone i don't even know who. i can't share with you guys what i did. too humiliating to know. or even to experience. shame on me.

third. i gotta to endure all the distraction as hard as i can. but i know its too hard. i melt easily with entertainment. as if i can't get enough. piss me. i abandoned my books, i ruin all the plans, i be multi-faces (thats bad) , i hate my lectures and frankly i never done that before, i shitting my quiz paper, naahh just that too many. i never stop saying im a loser though.

what is wrong with me ?

so im begging you guys who read this. please just say 'Amin' as i never stop praying for myself getting better and better.

Its hard for me to smile nowadays. I feel sinful.

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