On making things last...

Hai. Assalamualaikum.

wow, it feels so long since the last time. what am i doing here even? gah. apa dah jadi? lama gila tak menulis balik sini. okay here. i kinda distracted you see. blog is no longer a trend, kan.. ada instagram, twitter. oh yeah twitter paling buat aku rasa malas nak blog dah. sebab i literally write my everything there. i mean it. everything, now, its just...


blugh.


memang best dapat update at all times, but sharing moments at twitter tak memuaskan. sangat tak memuaskan. i write a little things without able to explain. macam soooo sikit thing i write there. tak best. now, its my final. my very final semester of my degree for studying. next, its gonna be practical and then gonna start on carier world. truely, im excited and scared. kita kan dah disogok dengan dunia ini susah and blablabla.


oh btw, i write back here just because aku rasa aku merugikan masa dan effort aku untuk menulis pada suatu benda yang tak lama. like twitter and all other social sites. at least, blog could be my digital diary, no? perkongsian aku terlalu sikit. and lama-lama... hilang... macam angin. so i think im going to write here back. and not on twitter, even intended to delete my twitter. but its hard tho. i've tried before. twitter kalau bebetul delete took me about three months and then baru automatically delete. that means, i need to restrain myself from open twitter for three months. susah! serious. sharing my world back after so long of not being super narcissist here, kan? kinda miss that. to spill long things here.

well, hello blogging world, Shaika is back! (i think?)

before that, here is me. in case if you dont remember haha

On being the lowest me.

hey me of imbecile ignorance, you should be very embarrass of yourself. like really.

im sorry but now i will do things that i never did. to rant about myself!

lately, i dont now what is wrong with me. i treat people like an ass, being rude, insensitive and so mean towards people. i even throw people away like they have no heart. what is wrong with me? i just being mean to this one guy, the guy that i know that is very nice towards people around, so nice with kids, soft in heart, by saying rude thing on twitter.

and again, twitter. always the place that i say shit. always and always remind myself not to get near it if im not in a real good mood but what happened now? just by saying dont waste your time on me if you're busy. dude, orang lain pun ada perasaan juga. seriously, me? wth

and another person i know. simply by saying 'i dont wanna talk to you anymore'. wow so easy. as if this person pun tak ada perasaan. you know how busy his life gets when its weekdays yet im still acting like so kiddo. being the girl that go againts those gf who forbid their guy for talking with some other girl, enough to teach me not to treat others as well. ni tak, aku marah pula if someone is talking with my man. like he cant go socialize like his world only surrounds with me.

seriously, what is wrong with me?

actually i dont even realize that the tweet is actually harsh until another person approached me and said its rude. okay hear. my advice, dont try to understand girls, we dont even understand ourselves.

and you know what, sometimes, throwing people away is the easiest thing to do. tak berat kepala. i dont get hurt and i dont hurt people.

Keep trying. Dont give up.

Just read my long post of this

http://dearshaikanadwah.blogspot.com/2013/07/pain-is-actually-weaknesses-going-away.html

and i wonder where the hell is my spirit? sigh.
shaika will forever be shaika.

On being youth.

without i realise it, i have actually met my husband.
he is there, enjoying his life still
and im here enjoying my life as well.

as a young people.

god didnt plan to make us together now cause he knows that we're not ready yet,
but soon as we've willing to be commited
we will find our way to be together.

whoever stranger that soon to be in my life,
for that first impression,
i hope i've not given you the wrong way
for im here still making myself to the right path.

Be shame on me.

i swear to god i'm so grateful i didnt delete this blog yet. 

this time around i will do blog as the place to express. no more twitter. i guess. haha. well so frankly, i think i just realized this. bullshit me. yeah i know. i just realized how stupid and shitty i treat people around me. like i so not care about others feeling to be true. 

what the hell is wrong with me. 

as an example, my friend, housemates especially. i treat them like im so much better than they are. seriously, i wonder how far negative i've been. this attitude is the last thing i ask for a new me to be. seriously. 

and for this one guy i've known, well, a guy, haha still. treat him like an asshole. and this one guy i've known working at petronas. still.  sigh. 

dear me, the insensitive people that you always mention on your twitter is not those people, ITS YOU!

i swear this year, of myself being 21, its the time for me to change the way i am and how i represent myself. soon executive i am. so be proper. 

Susah.

its been so long since the last time i wrote my stuff here, kan? anyway, peace be upon you.

actually i've been thinking to not do blog anymore as i'm just so busy with all of my assignments and all. but well i guess, i kinda need this tiny space on internet for my own therapy. kot. cerita masalah. aku jenis yang kalau ada masalah, aku diam. aku tak akan cerita orang. sebab hmm, ego rasanya.

whatever.

aku sebenarnya dah terlalu biasa, hidup senang. aku tahu. tak bagus tuk diri aku. ayah pun selalu tegur. hidup aku mewah sangat. aku ada la juga doa aku nak rasa hidup susah. aku nak rasa susah nya zaman study sampai makan tak ada duit?  so far, aku ada duit nak makan. serious. tak ada lah teruk macam tu lagi.

tapi, kalau dulu life aku, setiap bulan, aku boleh spent beribu, bukan lagi sem ni. aku pergi uni dah start bawa kereta. aku rasa kalau ada, lagi senang. ayah dah pesan, bawa kereta banyak pakai duit. bagi aku, ada kereta boleh buat bisnes juga. duit masuk. memang masuk, tapi sekadar masuk tak untung. guna untuk minyak kereta.

serious, tak adalah teruk sangat life sekarang. it just that, aku rasa sempit sikit. bayangkan, kalau sebulan, aku boleh buat expenses a month up to 1k but sem ni, expenses aku just, only, limit, up to RM100. that is like, so tight. i mean, aku kena sangat jaga kalau nak berbelanja.

i dont know, somehow, aku rasa macam sempit. macam aku cakap tadi, tak biasa hidup susah. sekali rasa, apa salahnya kan? kenal tinggi rendah orang keliling. good experience, really.

first time, dalam hidup aku, ego aku jatuh. aku tak tahu nak cerita kat siapa rasa ni, aku call abang. aku tak cakap apa pun tadi. aku terus nangis. nangis , nangis dan nangis. aku cerita kat abang semua. ayat pertama aku, aku kata aku bukan nak minta tolong, aku just nak meluahkan perasaan.

ego, bukan?

last-last kami berdua nangis sama-sama. abang kata, dia as abang, he is the one that i should count to. dia kata, "aku kat sini, makan mewah-mewah. adik aku kat sana, tak makan." almaklumlah, abang chef kat restoran exclusive. makanan dia mestilah mewah. aku malu. aku tak pernah minta tolong orang. aku tak suka. macam aku cakap juga dari tadi. ego. terus dia minta nombor akaun. aku kata tapayah. aku boleh lagi. dalam hati aku tahu sampai bila je tahan. haha. hmm, egoistik.

tak apa. semester ni je. aku cuba cabar diri. bila lagi nak rasa susah, kan?

Am I that incapable ?

peace be upon you.

to have someone that able to actually lower your self esteem is sucks right?

yup, and frankly i have enormous amount of them around. and a big waste, one of them is on my family member and even worse, he is someone whom i respect the most.

you know having someone whom you always thought could be the one who give you all the motivation you need , as an idol on whatever field you are in, and those people are the same one whom always reminds you of how failure you are, how incapable you are and all those negative like that. sucks isn't it?

sometimes i wonder for how many achievements do i have to achieve to actually clear these people's minds that i can actually do things they say i cant? really? how many yet to have? seriously?

Fabric dye + shoe + doodle = AWESOME!!

peace be upon you.

okay now, i wanna show you about my next project! that is doodle!! yay.

have you ever have such old shoes and hideous that you want to get rid of it but sayang? alolo. thats how i felt. sayang. sebab kasut ni tahan lasak. instead of me get rid of it , so i brand new it. with my conteng ayam punya ability to draw. ahah

so this is how the shoe look like at first. sangat lusuh. actually warna dia sangat merah. merah cili. but then that day bawak masuk gua tempurung terus lusuh. sigh.

AMARAN : air dalam gua tempurung berasid.

 mind the blue line. aku saja conteng dan aku MENYESAL ! turns out really hideous.

the preparation;

so since aku akan draw at the fabric, mind this ladies yang intend to do the same, jangan guna any normal paint instead, use fabric dye. the dye are actually specialized to be used on fabric so in case you wash it, it won't fade away. it will stay.

so, my first step is actually, aku akan dye the whole shoe in red back. and tada !!!! sudah merah balik wooooo

 warna dia tak semerah time baru beli but its okay. lets get to the next step. aku thought to do british flag since warna involve is red and blue but then i've changed my mind. cause its too mainstream. haha. anyway, aku warnakan the back of the shoe with blue to match the blue line in front of it.

and it looked like this

so now, what to do? since i intended to do the doodle, i google-ed for some examples and i found this!

terjatuh hati pula dengan gambar game console tu. so i draw my shoe with PAINT marker. okay another tips. make sure not to use normal marker pen cause if you do, when you wash it, the ink will fade and will smear all over the doodle. not nice.

at my paint marker it says it is for wood or metal. quite expensive for a marker pen cause it costed me for about RM7.00 i bought it actually for my guitar. ngeh ngeh, i definitely recommend you guys to look for thinner point than normal marker pen to get real nice doodle. the complex the doodle, the nicer. i have thick point so i just could do simple doodle but still !

so lets take a look at the side view. i love the left side even more. with that console doodle. the other pair just dooodle tak jadi so just like main taram lukis wholy but yeah i liked it tho.

whats with the screaming old bulat thing. if you see it closely, looks like this little kid being drag by people underneath. nampak tak tangan kat kepala the kid? eheh.

and the front view.

well, tara! im done. actually drawing kasut ni addictive ya know. i even asked my sister to take any shoes that she doesn't use anymore so that i can draw more. haha.

so yeah, this is my another project. i'm done and i liked it. if you intend to do one, make sure to use fabric dye okay. might get them at stationery shop. usually they have them. better find those at art shop cause you will have variety of color choices instead of just normal color.

kalau jumpa pastel color tolong bagitahu. dah lama cari! hehe

till then :)

Drawing.

peace be upon you.

hey people, wuddup? okay today just nak update my semester break project! yeay. leggo.

okay since i have deep interest on art, (diri ini tak lah berapa artsy sangat but who cares) aku plan on several projects to actually make a whole lot of drawings. sumpah lama gila tak pegang brushes wei. its so weird that i actually draw something back. thought on making doodle but then macam ergh looks bad.

my preparation ;

opkos few brushes , water color, paper block,  and other things that i think i might need it. oh mind the tag price. semua tu bukannya baru beli. dah lama it just jarang keluarkan nak guna. im one busy lady ogheh.

 anyhow, i've came up with different things to draw. reasons orang macam aku tak pandai nak draw still intend to draw is actually aku suka fill up blank wall with pictures since ayah dah tak bagi aku paste mag shit on the wall, aku changed the idea of mag shit into drawing. tapi kalau tu pun ayah nak koyakkan, argh, i dont know what choice to choose then. sigh.

so yeah, aku decided to draw portrait of nobody and scooter.

see how amateur i am? :3 anyway, to actually draw the shadow on the scooter kinda hard. lol anyhow, i enjoyed myself doing it. and plus, why is it so hard to actually draw nice structure of human face? sigh. more practice. more.

last look.

booooooooo me boooooooooooooooooooooo :(

well , another drawing waiting to be finished.

soon. till then people. 

Twitter addiction. Loser me.

sup.

yup, seriously , you can call me a loser cause you know what? i just activated my twitter back. somehow, i'm lost by only use facebook since most of my friends now are twitter users. PLUS with the fact that i have to handle all of those myspace status on facebook by all those kids yang tak ada life, really suffocating. and less info gain actually. suck!

but anyhow, now on i can actually control myself in dealing with this addiction. i don't tweet that much now as before in an hour there will be tweets from me. i wont say im annoying, cause that is what twitter are for, kan?

i can say i'm not addicted to twitter anymore.

whatevs. bye.