Little update of my life weee

 Hello human! 

For record, putting my face latest this year. I know right! Cutest as ever ahahahha. Okay stahp. In serious way i do gained weight. Like a lot. I was also a bit surprised i can manage to gained this much. 

Being someone who is always outdoor and active, having to endure this big of a weight is really challenging. Tak mudah ya badan berat ni. Everything seems off and hard. First noticed was how hard for me to stand up after a long sit and of course i got cramp just by sitting on the floor with folded legs. 

Crazy how i can let myself be this heavy but however i did try my best to gain weight as much as i can but it seems hard to be over than 86kgs. I think my best to get heavier is by that number. 

Now im studying how much exactly i eat in a day. So far realised i consume almost 3000 calories per day. No wonder the weight my god! 

Actually penat juga berat ni. Jom kita gerak slow slow. Tbh, i did put myself through hell before its time to shine again but in a very slow pace. Something that i can do long term. Lets! 

Till next time! 

Noah

 Taken from 2021. Introducing my son Noah. 

IKR! Wow wow wow. Hahahahah yes yes yes I have a son! Who would’ve thought! God when I say I left this space for quite awhile, I really meant it. 

I think it’s very refreshing to see someone whom we follow/read on the internet blooming to be someone or somewhat important in life. Holding as a Mother as a title, it’s crazy. Like serious. I HAVE A SON! Oh god wait till Noah see this blogspot and all his Mommy ramble babble on her teenage life. I mean Noah, really. You do you. Hahahaha no shortcut really. 

As we speak Noah is already 6 years old. And at this moment, Noah was just 4 years old. Awwww look at how naive he looks. 

Besar sihat selalu ya anak Mommy. InsyaAllah Mommy try my best to share with you all the things mommy had gon through here. Just feel like i need a space to share things or two. Not really sure if people read this but hey if it is so, hello there. Please be nice to me. #KitonyoManjoh 

Reason why i started to writing again is just because i have this amazing ipad which just recently taken over from Noah’s territory. Hahahahaha i tell you what bargain i had to replace from him! Well well i know very well tab kids is just not right (according to my generation) however, i still feel like the need for him to explore this stuffs. 

Btw, tak janji but i will share things on more to come. I mean why not. Wee! 

Till then! 

Who am I kidding???

I am still alive. 

Haha I know right. It’s funny how I’m still here looking for this space for comfort by reading my old self again. It’s been years. 

Also its very funny reading my latest previous post which is in 2018 (heh) on - I am back? - kinda thing but moving forward today I’m writing again after years…? So so typical me. 

So, how’s life? It’s been great. Married with 1 son, live in big city and an amazing job I could never thought I would even own and an amazing life I’m currently living. To always an amazing thing to be exploring and venturing as part of my growth. Ah so much to tell and share. 

But years also taught me humbleness and privacy is the best virtue to lead on having peace in my life. It’s amazing how I realise all this while I’ve been so much in the internet space that moving in here feels like a breeze meanwhile now knowing every movement might affect whoever around me. It’s like walking around in egg shell at all time. 

'

Just sharing this as part of my recent pictures taken in Sarawak. 

Yup. My early flight experience with company trip. Amazing treat! Will definitely plan my own trip soon with my little family. 

Btw, hey, how’s life, you? What’s life has brought you? More smiles? Perhaps more shrugs? :)

Wish you well all the time, buddy. 

Please know if you ever read this, I’m at a great place already. 

Till we meet again? 

 

Wink!

Click Here to Watch Gender Reveal Video 

Assalamualaikummmmmmmmm

Hai korang oh my its been so long. Hahahaha guess blog is never a thing now eyy. But not tonight since aku rasa nak berlatih jari. To make it short, I am now 25 years old already, happily married and currently in my 37th week of pregnancy WHICH its about soon that I will have my own first child. Its crazy how fast time flies.

Anyways, dont think im gonna make a long post here unless when it comes during my confinement time, I will make a lot of post insyaAllah with my Noah. My baby is a BOY! Yeayyy I am beyond nervous and excited!

If you still am reading this which i will be so surprised that some can still read this site, welcome and hello!  Till then.

I swear i have a lottttttttt to say but ya know, nevermind. Haha 

I am back.

hi,

i keep coming back and missing again, right? did you wait for me? i hope you guys are not. but eventually this time i will hope that you guys will really stay with me cause now, today, i will be active again after all the struggle i had only to make sure i survive in KL.

the moment i write this down is the moment where i just purchased myself a customized computer only to make me able to write this down. sad. i know. but the struggle i need to go through before i able to take another luxury, is way too harsh to remember.

i promise i will update more soon. You, wait.

Me.

Oh wow guys, now where should i begin?

i think if i not mistaken, i've been away from all my media social and not uploading so much content since early 2016 or late 2016. So much things happened i swear. Do you get the feeling where you really wanna just spill everythingggg to something but you feel its just useless and a waste of time. Yes i do now. I guess thats what adulthood is.

So far i have been good.  I think. I am married, in case if you dont know. I mean, yeah.. Well, it surely is still in that surreal phase to me. Every day waking up from sleep i will ask myself whats happening, who is the guy i have been sleeping with last night? Very surreal i tell you. Soon i will update more about the journey of my life so far that i have been away from.

Im here watching everything. Its just that im in that anonymous mode. And stalking.. and judging...

Back then, life was fun. I have so many time to do anything that i want. I have all the resources that i need in order to have the fun but lack of money. But its so much different now. I have the money but i have so little time. Each time i wanna do things, i have to reconsider either this will worth the time that i will spend? Cause i tell you time is money. And i value money more.

But no matter how much i gain every day, the fun isnt that much satisfactory anymore. Its feels mundane. Like, what is the meaning of struggling with no joy to be remembered and nothing to  laugh about?  I guess thats what adulthood means.

:(

I feel bad about myself these past few years. I chase to be 'somebody' rather than get to know me more first. I forget how to have fun. I forget how to laugh till i cry at the end. I forget how i enjoy music that much. How i spend my time reading fantasy books, doing some DIY and creating new stuff to share on the youtube channel i have.

I chased wrong thing.

But i never regret the things i have gone through. I learnt a lot. And i am matured by time.

I have gone through some real hardship that i will never forget. That, i will tell you guys more. Soon. If i have the time. But no worries, from now on, i have the resources already. We will meet together again and you can meet me through my writing.

Im still here. The fun one. Its just that the new me has trapped me to the dark sleep, And i have awaken to embrace what i have left behind.

If you currently reading this, consider yourself as a lucky one. Cause im about to make this space as my private diary only to express whats inside me. And trust me, i have bottled up so many things and be excited for you shall read more.

Before i end this post, i just wanna say that i am back :)

Wait, hold up! What just happened?

For god sake i have been abandoning my blog for so long! At last now... Hehe im not sure if i wanna do blog as frequent as before but writing gives me the peace that i couldnt find anywhere else but why not write again about my life, right?

Lets talk about love.

I used to think that if i love something i have to find the source of why im loving.

But now i learnt,

its how i create the pretentious love when i thought it is supposed to be there when im hoping one.

I was wrong all this while
Loving is not enough
Its more than that

And i also learnt,
i love the wrong thing.

But its too late now. I still have to carry on.

Now im walking with my dying heart and an empty soul to my marriage life.

I will always be that girl who will always feel nothing for emotion. Im dead inside.

Husstle

It is yet to be created.

Update [4 Disember 2015]

Assalamualaikum.

Hi, its me again; shaika. that funky girl with crazy attitude as you can read my past stories here. its me.

Now, i am 22 years old and over the years, i swear that so many things happened. but for that matter of pillow talk story telling, lets wait till i have the right amount of time to tell you what happened with my life till then.

if,

you still miss me for the babble.

hiks.

have a good life adventure ahead, awesome folks!

On making things last...

Hai. Assalamualaikum.

wow, it feels so long since the last time. what am i doing here even? gah. apa dah jadi? lama gila tak menulis balik sini. okay here. i kinda distracted you see. blog is no longer a trend, kan.. ada instagram, twitter. oh yeah twitter paling buat aku rasa malas nak blog dah. sebab i literally write my everything there. i mean it. everything, now, its just...


blugh.


memang best dapat update at all times, but sharing moments at twitter tak memuaskan. sangat tak memuaskan. i write a little things without able to explain. macam soooo sikit thing i write there. tak best. now, its my final. my very final semester of my degree for studying. next, its gonna be practical and then gonna start on carier world. truely, im excited and scared. kita kan dah disogok dengan dunia ini susah and blablabla.


oh btw, i write back here just because aku rasa aku merugikan masa dan effort aku untuk menulis pada suatu benda yang tak lama. like twitter and all other social sites. at least, blog could be my digital diary, no? perkongsian aku terlalu sikit. and lama-lama... hilang... macam angin. so i think im going to write here back. and not on twitter, even intended to delete my twitter. but its hard tho. i've tried before. twitter kalau bebetul delete took me about three months and then baru automatically delete. that means, i need to restrain myself from open twitter for three months. susah! serious. sharing my world back after so long of not being super narcissist here, kan? kinda miss that. to spill long things here.

well, hello blogging world, Shaika is back! (i think?)

before that, here is me. in case if you dont remember haha

On being the lowest me.

hey me of imbecile ignorance, you should be very embarrass of yourself. like really.

im sorry but now i will do things that i never did. to rant about myself!

lately, i dont now what is wrong with me. i treat people like an ass, being rude, insensitive and so mean towards people. i even throw people away like they have no heart. what is wrong with me? i just being mean to this one guy, the guy that i know that is very nice towards people around, so nice with kids, soft in heart, by saying rude thing on twitter.

and again, twitter. always the place that i say shit. always and always remind myself not to get near it if im not in a real good mood but what happened now? just by saying dont waste your time on me if you're busy. dude, orang lain pun ada perasaan juga. seriously, me? wth

and another person i know. simply by saying 'i dont wanna talk to you anymore'. wow so easy. as if this person pun tak ada perasaan. you know how busy his life gets when its weekdays yet im still acting like so kiddo. being the girl that go againts those gf who forbid their guy for talking with some other girl, enough to teach me not to treat others as well. ni tak, aku marah pula if someone is talking with my man. like he cant go socialize like his world only surrounds with me.

seriously, what is wrong with me?

actually i dont even realize that the tweet is actually harsh until another person approached me and said its rude. okay hear. my advice, dont try to understand girls, we dont even understand ourselves.

and you know what, sometimes, throwing people away is the easiest thing to do. tak berat kepala. i dont get hurt and i dont hurt people.

Keep trying. Dont give up.

Just read my long post of this

http://dearshaikanadwah.blogspot.com/2013/07/pain-is-actually-weaknesses-going-away.html

and i wonder where the hell is my spirit? sigh.
shaika will forever be shaika.

On being youth.

without i realise it, i have actually met my husband.
he is there, enjoying his life still
and im here enjoying my life as well.

as a young people.

god didnt plan to make us together now cause he knows that we're not ready yet,
but soon as we've willing to be commited
we will find our way to be together.

whoever stranger that soon to be in my life,
for that first impression,
i hope i've not given you the wrong way
for im here still making myself to the right path.

Be shame on me.

i swear to god i'm so grateful i didnt delete this blog yet. 

this time around i will do blog as the place to express. no more twitter. i guess. haha. well so frankly, i think i just realized this. bullshit me. yeah i know. i just realized how stupid and shitty i treat people around me. like i so not care about others feeling to be true. 

what the hell is wrong with me. 

as an example, my friend, housemates especially. i treat them like im so much better than they are. seriously, i wonder how far negative i've been. this attitude is the last thing i ask for a new me to be. seriously. 

and for this one guy i've known, well, a guy, haha still. treat him like an asshole. and this one guy i've known working at petronas. still.  sigh. 

dear me, the insensitive people that you always mention on your twitter is not those people, ITS YOU!

i swear this year, of myself being 21, its the time for me to change the way i am and how i represent myself. soon executive i am. so be proper. 

Susah.

its been so long since the last time i wrote my stuff here, kan? anyway, peace be upon you.

actually i've been thinking to not do blog anymore as i'm just so busy with all of my assignments and all. but well i guess, i kinda need this tiny space on internet for my own therapy. kot. cerita masalah. aku jenis yang kalau ada masalah, aku diam. aku tak akan cerita orang. sebab hmm, ego rasanya.

whatever.

aku sebenarnya dah terlalu biasa, hidup senang. aku tahu. tak bagus tuk diri aku. ayah pun selalu tegur. hidup aku mewah sangat. aku ada la juga doa aku nak rasa hidup susah. aku nak rasa susah nya zaman study sampai makan tak ada duit?  so far, aku ada duit nak makan. serious. tak ada lah teruk macam tu lagi.

tapi, kalau dulu life aku, setiap bulan, aku boleh spent beribu, bukan lagi sem ni. aku pergi uni dah start bawa kereta. aku rasa kalau ada, lagi senang. ayah dah pesan, bawa kereta banyak pakai duit. bagi aku, ada kereta boleh buat bisnes juga. duit masuk. memang masuk, tapi sekadar masuk tak untung. guna untuk minyak kereta.

serious, tak adalah teruk sangat life sekarang. it just that, aku rasa sempit sikit. bayangkan, kalau sebulan, aku boleh buat expenses a month up to 1k but sem ni, expenses aku just, only, limit, up to RM100. that is like, so tight. i mean, aku kena sangat jaga kalau nak berbelanja.

i dont know, somehow, aku rasa macam sempit. macam aku cakap tadi, tak biasa hidup susah. sekali rasa, apa salahnya kan? kenal tinggi rendah orang keliling. good experience, really.

first time, dalam hidup aku, ego aku jatuh. aku tak tahu nak cerita kat siapa rasa ni, aku call abang. aku tak cakap apa pun tadi. aku terus nangis. nangis , nangis dan nangis. aku cerita kat abang semua. ayat pertama aku, aku kata aku bukan nak minta tolong, aku just nak meluahkan perasaan.

ego, bukan?

last-last kami berdua nangis sama-sama. abang kata, dia as abang, he is the one that i should count to. dia kata, "aku kat sini, makan mewah-mewah. adik aku kat sana, tak makan." almaklumlah, abang chef kat restoran exclusive. makanan dia mestilah mewah. aku malu. aku tak pernah minta tolong orang. aku tak suka. macam aku cakap juga dari tadi. ego. terus dia minta nombor akaun. aku kata tapayah. aku boleh lagi. dalam hati aku tahu sampai bila je tahan. haha. hmm, egoistik.

tak apa. semester ni je. aku cuba cabar diri. bila lagi nak rasa susah, kan?

Am I that incapable ?

peace be upon you.

to have someone that able to actually lower your self esteem is sucks right?

yup, and frankly i have enormous amount of them around. and a big waste, one of them is on my family member and even worse, he is someone whom i respect the most.

you know having someone whom you always thought could be the one who give you all the motivation you need , as an idol on whatever field you are in, and those people are the same one whom always reminds you of how failure you are, how incapable you are and all those negative like that. sucks isn't it?

sometimes i wonder for how many achievements do i have to achieve to actually clear these people's minds that i can actually do things they say i cant? really? how many yet to have? seriously?

Fabric dye + shoe + doodle = AWESOME!!

peace be upon you.

okay now, i wanna show you about my next project! that is doodle!! yay.

have you ever have such old shoes and hideous that you want to get rid of it but sayang? alolo. thats how i felt. sayang. sebab kasut ni tahan lasak. instead of me get rid of it , so i brand new it. with my conteng ayam punya ability to draw. ahah

so this is how the shoe look like at first. sangat lusuh. actually warna dia sangat merah. merah cili. but then that day bawak masuk gua tempurung terus lusuh. sigh.

AMARAN : air dalam gua tempurung berasid.

 mind the blue line. aku saja conteng dan aku MENYESAL ! turns out really hideous.

the preparation;

so since aku akan draw at the fabric, mind this ladies yang intend to do the same, jangan guna any normal paint instead, use fabric dye. the dye are actually specialized to be used on fabric so in case you wash it, it won't fade away. it will stay.

so, my first step is actually, aku akan dye the whole shoe in red back. and tada !!!! sudah merah balik wooooo

 warna dia tak semerah time baru beli but its okay. lets get to the next step. aku thought to do british flag since warna involve is red and blue but then i've changed my mind. cause its too mainstream. haha. anyway, aku warnakan the back of the shoe with blue to match the blue line in front of it.

and it looked like this

so now, what to do? since i intended to do the doodle, i google-ed for some examples and i found this!

terjatuh hati pula dengan gambar game console tu. so i draw my shoe with PAINT marker. okay another tips. make sure not to use normal marker pen cause if you do, when you wash it, the ink will fade and will smear all over the doodle. not nice.

at my paint marker it says it is for wood or metal. quite expensive for a marker pen cause it costed me for about RM7.00 i bought it actually for my guitar. ngeh ngeh, i definitely recommend you guys to look for thinner point than normal marker pen to get real nice doodle. the complex the doodle, the nicer. i have thick point so i just could do simple doodle but still !

so lets take a look at the side view. i love the left side even more. with that console doodle. the other pair just dooodle tak jadi so just like main taram lukis wholy but yeah i liked it tho.

whats with the screaming old bulat thing. if you see it closely, looks like this little kid being drag by people underneath. nampak tak tangan kat kepala the kid? eheh.

and the front view.

well, tara! im done. actually drawing kasut ni addictive ya know. i even asked my sister to take any shoes that she doesn't use anymore so that i can draw more. haha.

so yeah, this is my another project. i'm done and i liked it. if you intend to do one, make sure to use fabric dye okay. might get them at stationery shop. usually they have them. better find those at art shop cause you will have variety of color choices instead of just normal color.

kalau jumpa pastel color tolong bagitahu. dah lama cari! hehe

till then :)

Drawing.

peace be upon you.

hey people, wuddup? okay today just nak update my semester break project! yeay. leggo.

okay since i have deep interest on art, (diri ini tak lah berapa artsy sangat but who cares) aku plan on several projects to actually make a whole lot of drawings. sumpah lama gila tak pegang brushes wei. its so weird that i actually draw something back. thought on making doodle but then macam ergh looks bad.

my preparation ;

opkos few brushes , water color, paper block,  and other things that i think i might need it. oh mind the tag price. semua tu bukannya baru beli. dah lama it just jarang keluarkan nak guna. im one busy lady ogheh.

 anyhow, i've came up with different things to draw. reasons orang macam aku tak pandai nak draw still intend to draw is actually aku suka fill up blank wall with pictures since ayah dah tak bagi aku paste mag shit on the wall, aku changed the idea of mag shit into drawing. tapi kalau tu pun ayah nak koyakkan, argh, i dont know what choice to choose then. sigh.

so yeah, aku decided to draw portrait of nobody and scooter.

see how amateur i am? :3 anyway, to actually draw the shadow on the scooter kinda hard. lol anyhow, i enjoyed myself doing it. and plus, why is it so hard to actually draw nice structure of human face? sigh. more practice. more.

last look.

booooooooo me boooooooooooooooooooooo :(

well , another drawing waiting to be finished.

soon. till then people. 

Twitter addiction. Loser me.

sup.

yup, seriously , you can call me a loser cause you know what? i just activated my twitter back. somehow, i'm lost by only use facebook since most of my friends now are twitter users. PLUS with the fact that i have to handle all of those myspace status on facebook by all those kids yang tak ada life, really suffocating. and less info gain actually. suck!

but anyhow, now on i can actually control myself in dealing with this addiction. i don't tweet that much now as before in an hour there will be tweets from me. i wont say im annoying, cause that is what twitter are for, kan?

i can say i'm not addicted to twitter anymore.

whatevs. bye.